RAF430 Hot Flashes, Cold Truth 5 – Relationships: Navigating Change Together

Welcome to Running: A FEVER, a show about fitness, diet, and medicine. My name is Michael Davis, and my goal is to live a long, healthy, happy, active life right up to the very end.

It’s our birthday! Believe it or not, we’ve been running a fever for eight years now. And this episode is the first of our ninth year. Yes, the anniversary date is two days ago, November 17. Back in 2017, we started with literally a walk in the park. Four hundred thirty episodes later, we can look back on a wealth of information and the sharing of my health journey over the long term.

Tom Rohr, CEO of Padua Media, the parent organization of our podcast network, sent these words of congratulations:

“Congratulations, Michael! Eight years of Running a Fever — and you’re still going strong without needing a cold compress! Hundreds of episodes later, you’ve proven endurance isn’t just about miles, it’s about motivation, missteps, and mastering the art of talking while slightly out of breath. You’ve inspired us all to get off the couch (eventually) and chase our own finish lines — or at least the remote. Here’s to many more miles, laughs, and perfectly timed podcast wisdom. Keep running toward greatness, my friend — and remember, sweating counts as multitasking!”

Well, there you go. After eight years, it continues to be a blast for me, and I hope you’ve enjoyed it too. And for those of you who have been with me from the start, thank you from the bottom of my heart. You inspire me to keep going.

This series on menopause is well on its way now. What do you think? Leave a comment on http://YouTube/@runningafever or at http://RunningAFEVER.com. I’d really like to know what you think and if this is helping anyone get through menopause, or maybe help a friend get through it. We’re at the fifth episode in this series of six episodes, and this time we’re talking about Relationships and how they can be impacted when a person goes through the change. We’ll include personal stories and coping tips to help you navigate this vital time successfully.

First, let’s relate a couple of stories, with perspectives from both men and women.

“I feel so alone in this journey. Not only do I have to suffer with these symptoms…low mood, hot flashes, anxiety, irritability,…etc, but I also feel like I am a constant disappointment to my husband. He’s not a great communicator… And I feel like I walk on eggshells. And I feel like he walks on eggshells with me, too. He is a wonderful, patient man. But he doesn’t offer me much support. I know it has to be difficult for him, too, but it’s difficult for me to find the strength to try to manage his emotions when I feel like I’m barely keeping my head above water. I don’t even want to talk about it with him…I’ve never been an avoidant type of personality, but I am now…Nothing truly is bringing me joy right now. I hate it. Does it ever get better?” –Mableandlace

“Lately, it’s like my wife has two people inside her, one my normally sweet and loving wife, and the other is a demon toddler.” –Life_Grade1900

“I thought, ‘I can’t live with this woman anymore.’ It was months of just walking on eggshells and just waiting for things to get better until the HRT kicked in.”–anonymous husband

How has menopause changed the way you relate to others — or to yourself? For any couple facing this transformation time, it’s essential to gain a true understanding, not just knowledge, of the impact and potential strain it can have on your most important connection. But this is also a time of opportunity to recommit and prove that you really are in this for the long haul, in sickness and in health.

Emotional and Mental Shifts
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Hormonal changes can profoundly affect everything from libido to mood to how we feel in our own skin. Estrogen, testosterone, and oxytocin — the hormones that fuel connection — all fluctuate, and that can leave us feeling disconnected, irritable, or just off. You might feel less desire, or more. You might feel emotionally distant, or suddenly overwhelmed. And guess what? That’s normal.

The mood swings and emotional sensitivity that come with menopause can impact relationships, as increased irritability, anxiety, or sadness can lead to misunderstandings or emotional distance. Spouses may feel confused or helpless if they don’t understand what’s happening. One tip I found is that open communication and emotional check-ins can help partners stay connected and supportive.

The associated brain fog and memory lapses can cause frustration or self-doubt, and may be misinterpreted by others as disinterest or disengagement. Try to normalize these changes and use humor and shared tools (like calendars or reminders) to stay on the same page.

Identity shifts can occur as menopause often coincides with other life transitions — aging parents, grown children, career changes — prompting deep reflection on who you are. A person may question their role, desires, or purpose, which can lead to tension or growth in a relationship, depending on how it’s navigated. Encourage space for self-discovery and mutual evolution within the relationship.

Many people feel a strong urge to reclaim personal space, passions, or independence during menopause. This can be empowering, but may also feel threatening to partners if not communicated clearly. Frame autonomy as a way to strengthen the relationship, not escape it.

Communication in relationships
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Let’s talk about talking. Because when intimacy shifts, communication becomes everything. Here’s a sample framework:

First, name it. Say what you’re feeling, even if it’s messy.
Second, normalize it. Remind your spouse that this is a shared journey.
Third, navigate it. Work together to find new rhythms of connection.

Create a safe space for communication by allowing each other to express any feelings, no matter how hard it is. It’s not always easy. But it’s worth it. Because intimacy is about being seen, heard, and held.

“Acknowledging the challenges of menopause is the first step toward strengthening marital bonds. The physical and emotional shifts during this period can strain relationships. However, facing these challenges together, with understanding and patience, can fortify the relationship, emerging from the menopausal phase with a stronger and more resilient marital bond.”

It’s essential for effective communication and mutual understanding to express your needs. It helps to not go to extremes, using words like “never” and “always.” Try using softer language, for example, “I don’t feel heard right now.” Expressing how you feel, rather than stating how the other makes you feel, makes the conversation more constructive and less confrontational.

As in any effort at communication between two people, active listening is a powerful tool. With active listening, empathy is key. You’re not just hearing, not just waiting for an opportunity to respond.

Solo Journeys & Self-Intimacy
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Not everyone is navigating menopause in a relationship. Some are single, divorced, or rediscovering themselves. And that’s powerful. This is a time to reconnect with your own body, your own dreams, your own joy. Self-intimacy means listening to your needs, honoring your boundaries, and embracing your evolving identity.

Just being honest, this episode is a little too gooey for me. But that’s the reality. Getting along during a tough time that’s nobody’s fault is a messy business. But if you’re committed to each other, it’s worth it. Check out a page that I’ll link to in the blog at http://RunningAFEVER.com/430. It’s an article on http://MyThrivePsychology.com. A counseling company runs it, and I’m not endorsing them, not saying they are good or bad, but the article is informative and could be helpful to couples navigating the time of menopause.

That’s it—short and sweet this week. I hope you found some insight and helpful information in this episode.

Next time, we’re exploring the future in an episode called “Reclaiming Power: Menopause as a New Beginning.” I appreciate your likes, subscriptions, and comments, so keep them coming. And remember, if you’ve got the fever, keep it burning, and if you don’t, catch the fever, and I will see you next time on Running: A FEVER.

References:
https://www.mythrivepsychology.com/thrive-blog/menopause-is-ruining-my-marriage
https://www.reddit.com/r/Menopause/comments/1k6wppy/looking_for_hope_that_marriage_can_survive/
https://www.reddit.com/r/AskMenOver30/comments/1gf0kn8/husbands_did_you_notice_when_your_wife_started/